She said her name was "party"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
