I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
