it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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