he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
