i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
