it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
