This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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