I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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