It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
