just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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