Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
