she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
