you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
