I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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