Soap is not a condiment
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
