New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
