I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
