how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
