The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
