we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
