dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
