He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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