it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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