You're completely useless in the revolution.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
