I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
