someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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