i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
