she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
