No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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