You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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