I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
