Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
