Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
