I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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