he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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