Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
