The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
