You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
