I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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