Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
