So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
