i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
