she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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