isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
