so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
