She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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