did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Randomize
