i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
