omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
