My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
