i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
