Already got asked if we're dating
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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