i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize