On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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