Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
