My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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