Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
