Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize