Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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