do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
