Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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