I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
