Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
not ubering you a puppy
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