I hate all girls vehemently.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
