she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
