my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
