You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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