Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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