Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
