it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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