We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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