Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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