u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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