I've blown a few things in my day
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
