my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
