i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
