I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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