There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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