I got chris browned last night
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
