just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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