The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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