bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
