We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize