Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
