When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
