I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
