In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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