By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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