i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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