I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
