Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
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