I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
