Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
