Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
