You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
