i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
