i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
even my farts smell like vagina
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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