instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
