ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
