This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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