I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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